Quit Quitting!

When I became a dietitian, I noticed people started apologizing to me for what they were eating. I’d be at a dinner party, in the grocery store, out to lunch with friends, and inevitably, someone would say “I’m sorry I ordered the _____. I know you’re a dietitian, I’m sure you’re horrified. I bet you never eat _____.” 

I also became hyper-aware of just how much people love to talk about the types of food they’re  not eating, while they’re eating food. This is a cultural phenomenon that I find simultaneously fascinating, perplexing, sad and toxic. So many conversations at lunch/dinner tables go something like: “I would love to order the _____ but I’m on the ____ diet so I can’t tonight.” Or “You’re so lucky you can eat the _____, I’m off _____right now so I just can’t eat it, even though I want it so bad.” Just a month or so ago I was at an engagement party and a complete stranger (who incidentally had no idea I was a dietitian) talked my ear off about how she hoped the BBQ sauce on her pulled pork didn’t ruin her ketosis/ketogenic diet, but there was just nothing else on the buffet that she felt she could eat that fit her diet. I spent 20 years working in the restaurant industry, most of that time taking people’s orders and eavesdropping on their conversations. I’m pretty confident that I can say we’re a nation obsessed with talking about what foods we are quitting at any given moment. 

Somehow, giving up certain foods has become synonymous with eating healthy, or being healthy. And eating healthy has become a status symbol that we all want to brag about. Therefore, giving up = bragworthy. The thing I can’t figure out is, why do we have so much pride in what we profess to be not eating? I don’t know who needs to hear this, but this is doing us no good. It’s time to give up the “give up” mind set. It’s time to quit quitting! 

You see, quitting doesn’t make us healthy. (Now, I have to say that of course I’m not referring to a person who has to give up a particular food for a legitimate medical reason, that is a different story entirely.) The quit mentality actually makes us obsessed with food, usually the exact food we’re trying to quit. Forbidding certain foods, or food groups, kick starts a “craving = overindulgence = guilt = shame” cycle that causes a disconnect between what our brain and taste buds crave, and what out body needs and wants for actual nutrients. The great irony is, quitting food almost always leads to overeating those foods. 

To have a genuinely healthy relationship with all foods we need to connect, notice, feel, learn and get curious about what happens when we eat them. Which means, we have give ourselves permission to eat them!  It is only then that we can genuinely decide where, or if, they fit into our own definition of a healthy life. 

Let’s take cookies for example. I hear many of my clients say things like “I can’t bring cookies into my house. They are too tempting. If I eat one, I will eat them all.” You may even be nodding your head right now thinking of some food you feel this way about. I get it, I used to feel this way too. I’ve been there. 

But, last weekend I bought this one cookie (above) and I didn’t even eat the whole thing because it was so rich it satisfied my sweet tooth quickly and I knew eating more of it would give me a stomach ache – and I didn’t want that. That would NEVER have happened when I was younger. When I realized my relationship with cookies (and other foods by the way) was broken, it was hard to believe it could be repaired, but it happened! It happened because I accepted that I wasn’t broken, and that I had the power to fix it. When I learned to allow myself to check in and get curious, rather than check out and be critical, the journey to a better relationship with cookies began. I had to reverse my mindset first. I had to become someone who ate cookies with a sense of awe and wonder, not someone who snuck them shamefully and hid the evidence. As it turns out, accepting that I was someone who eats cookies, led me to be quite picky about cookies! I definitely eat fewer now, but I enjoy them more.  

What you eat, or don’t eat, is your business, but letting go of the need to quit foods (and the need to announce it to the world) may help you feel free to explore foods without judgement (from yourself or others). And that freedom just might be the missing piece in your health journey. My Aunt Patty is famous for saying: “Conversations about diets are no different than conversations about politics or religion. None of them should have a place at the dinner table.” I think she’s onto something. 

I Did the Monster Mash!

Effectively changing our eating habits to cultivate new, healthy, and permanent relationships with food starts with listening to the messages we get from our bodies. What does it mean to listen to your body? And if you do listen, how do you use what you learn to make more mindful choices and feel better? And what do you do if your brain is screaming for something your body might not like? I hear these questions all the time.

Listening to your body is all about strengthening connections between your brain and your body. It’s about noticing what your brain wants, and also noticing how your body feels, and reacts. This might seem easier said than done, but it’s possible, and it’s powerful! Examples of messages a person’s body frequently sends are: hunger, fullness, GI distress (acid reflux, gas, bloating etc.), the urge to urinate, lab values at your from your doctor, weight gain, weight loss, sore muscles, achy joints, fatigue, allergic reactions, sweating, changes to heart rate, thirst, etc. The list goes on and on. Sadly, we live in a culture that largely encourages us to ignore many of these messages and get on with life. Learning to notice and honor them with smart decisions can lead to lasting change, increased motivation and better overall health. 

Let me give you a real-life example, then we’ll get back to how you can make this happen in your life. 

I’m a dietitian, but I’m also human, and like everyone else, I’ve got a food story that shapes the decisions I make today. I like to call these stories "Skeletons in My Kitchen." One of my skeletons is breakfast cereal. When I was growing up money was tight in our household. My mom (a single parent) did her best to put healthy food on the table while adhering to a strict budget. A point of contention between us week after week who got to pick the cereal. Like most kids, I longed for the sugary treats that came in brightly colored packages and had toys in the box! When I saw commercials on TV for Fruity Pebbles, Trix, Cookie Crisp and the like I would beg and plead with her to buy them for me. I lost, every time. The cereals we could afford, and that would feed us both what we needed nutritionally, were the off brand, brown, whole grain/bran stuff boring plastic packages. I specifically remember eating a whole lot of a Grape Nuts knock off called “Nutty Nuggets,” and I was not a happy camper about it. Of course, in hindsight I can see that my mother did her best with on the cereal front, but that didn’t stop me from devouring sugary cereals at friends’ houses whenever I got the chance. It’s stories like this that make us. They inform our food relationships well into adulthood. I still look at Fruity Pebbles, or brand-new cereal concoctions, and get a little excited inside, it’s nostalgia, and I’m a sucker for nostalgia! Sometimes I even buy a box. Are you horrified? Don’t believe me? Well, let me introduce you to what I ate yesterday. Monster Mash! 

Yup...those are my Halloween spider leggings, I'm sitting on my bat blanket with my cat, Harrison Ford, as he begs to have some Monster Mash. We take Halloween decorating and dressing up pretty seriously where I live! Don't worry, no cats were harmed. He did not get any of my cereal! 

Sometimes my brain wants a sugary cereal, and my taste buds do too. Sometimes I get so curious about a new cereal, like this one, that I get a little obsessed with having to try it. That’s what happened when I saw a commercial for Monster Mash. WHAT?!?! A seasonal delight, in limited release, that blends spooky cereals of my childhood that I was never allowed to eat? I had to try it! So I did.

Here’s where we get to the part of listening to our bodies. What if I told you that there is no way in hell I would eat this cereal for breakfast because I know better? That I’ve learned that it belongs somewhere else in my life? It’s true, and I only know it because there have been times in my life that I was willing to try all things, and to pay attention to how I felt when I ate them. I know that if I had this cereal for breakfast my entire day would be shot. It's happened to me before. When I start my day with simple, refined carbs and an inadequate amount of protein for my body's needs, I feel absolutely ill about an hour after eating it and there’s nothing I can do to reverse the curse. I’ve tested this theory time and time again, and have used the feelings I get to decide that I'm not ok with eating things for breakfast that cause that feeling. I just don’t want to feel nauseous, hungry, foggy headed, and hangry ever again if I can avoid it. I can assure you, I knew Monster Mash was not going to be worth that. So, what did I do??? 

I ate this (below) at 8:30am…1 Slice of high fiber whole wheat toast (Dave’s Killer Powerseed Bread is my favorite) with 1 wedge of The Laughing Cow cheese spread on it, topped with arugula, a few slices of smoked salmon and an egg. Basically my “breakfast of champions.” I know I always feel great if I eat something like this. 

Then, around 10:30am, I had “second breakfast!” It was Halloween, and I decided it was a perfect day to try this new cereal. It didn’t have to be eaten “as advertised” for the first meal of the day. I knew that would have felt horrible in my body. Instead, I got creative and had it as my treat of the day, and I allowed that treat to happen in the morning! 

Listening to your body means noting, and sometimes even journaling about how you feel when you eat certain foods. To do this, you have to allow yourself to eat those foods, even if part of you is afraid you might overdo it. This is one huge reason why I’m so against diets that exclude or criminalize one food or food group. Unless you have an allergy, or follow a medical diet, no foods should be off limits. With very few exceptions, it’s important to learn to get off of the diet/meal plan/restriction roller coaster so you can learn how you feel when you eat all foods. This is the only true way to understand where they fit for you. And if you do have to exclude some foods for a medical reason, you are already learning how important it is to practice eating foods that make you feel good, rather than those that have negative effects, or don't meet your unique needs. This perspective might help you if you're new to your plan and having a hard time adjusting to your new diagnosis, and the dietary changes that come with it. 

Once you know if a food or meal makes you feel good, or not, it’s much easier to choose where that food goes, how often to eat it, and/or whether to eat it at all. If you allow all foods, and consciously decide to eat them only in ways that feel great in your body, your brain will eventually scream for these foods less and less often because you have made them available with enough regularity. Having fun with food, and allowing a little excitement and play tends to make healthy eating patterns more sustainable in the long term. 

What foods have you labeled as “bad?” What foods do you crave, but feel should be forbidden? I’ll never tell you that sugary cereals are health food, but I hope you learned today that they can be part of a healthy life! If there’s something in your life that you would like to make fit, but you’re not sure how, a registered dietitian can help you figure it out! 

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