When I became a dietitian, I noticed people started apologizing to me for what they were eating. I’d be at a dinner party, in the grocery store, out to lunch with friends, and inevitably, someone would say “I’m sorry I ordered the _____. I know you’re a dietitian, I’m sure you’re horrified. I bet you never eat _____.”
I also became hyper-aware of just how much people love to talk about the types of food they’re not eating, while they’re eating food. This is a cultural phenomenon that I find simultaneously fascinating, perplexing, sad and toxic. So many conversations at lunch/dinner tables go something like: “I would love to order the _____ but I’m on the ____ diet so I can’t tonight.” Or “You’re so lucky you can eat the _____, I’m off _____right now so I just can’t eat it, even though I want it so bad.” Just a month or so ago I was at an engagement party and a complete stranger (who incidentally had no idea I was a dietitian) talked my ear off about how she hoped the BBQ sauce on her pulled pork didn’t ruin her ketosis/ketogenic diet, but there was just nothing else on the buffet that she felt she could eat that fit her diet. I spent 20 years working in the restaurant industry, most of that time taking people’s orders and eavesdropping on their conversations. I’m pretty confident that I can say we’re a nation obsessed with talking about what foods we are quitting at any given moment.
Somehow, giving up certain foods has become synonymous with eating healthy, or being healthy. And eating healthy has become a status symbol that we all want to brag about. Therefore, giving up = bragworthy. The thing I can’t figure out is, why do we have so much pride in what we profess to be not eating? I don’t know who needs to hear this, but this is doing us no good. It’s time to give up the “give up” mind set. It’s time to quit quitting!
You see, quitting doesn’t make us healthy. (Now, I have to say that of course I’m not referring to a person who has to give up a particular food for a legitimate medical reason, that is a different story entirely.) The quit mentality actually makes us obsessed with food, usually the exact food we’re trying to quit. Forbidding certain foods, or food groups, kick starts a “craving = overindulgence = guilt = shame” cycle that causes a disconnect between what our brain and taste buds crave, and what out body needs and wants for actual nutrients. The great irony is, quitting food almost always leads to overeating those foods.
To have a genuinely healthy relationship with all foods we need to connect, notice, feel, learn and get curious about what happens when we eat them. Which means, we have give ourselves permission to eat them! It is only then that we can genuinely decide where, or if, they fit into our own definition of a healthy life.
Let’s take cookies for example. I hear many of my clients say things like “I can’t bring cookies into my house. They are too tempting. If I eat one, I will eat them all.” You may even be nodding your head right now thinking of some food you feel this way about. I get it, I used to feel this way too. I’ve been there.
But, last weekend I bought this one cookie (above) and I didn’t even eat the whole thing because it was so rich it satisfied my sweet tooth quickly and I knew eating more of it would give me a stomach ache – and I didn’t want that. That would NEVER have happened when I was younger. When I realized my relationship with cookies (and other foods by the way) was broken, it was hard to believe it could be repaired, but it happened! It happened because I accepted that I wasn’t broken, and that I had the power to fix it. When I learned to allow myself to check in and get curious, rather than check out and be critical, the journey to a better relationship with cookies began. I had to reverse my mindset first. I had to become someone who ate cookies with a sense of awe and wonder, not someone who snuck them shamefully and hid the evidence. As it turns out, accepting that I was someone who eats cookies, led me to be quite picky about cookies! I definitely eat fewer now, but I enjoy them more.
What you eat, or don’t eat, is your business, but letting go of the need to quit foods (and the need to announce it to the world) may help you feel free to explore foods without judgement (from yourself or others). And that freedom just might be the missing piece in your health journey. My Aunt Patty is famous for saying: “Conversations about diets are no different than conversations about politics or religion. None of them should have a place at the dinner table.” I think she’s onto something.
